


Atychiphobia

by talesoffangirl



Series: Gamophobia [3]
Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coffee Shops, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Origin Story, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, all one chapter we die like men, lots of stupid references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:11:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14761484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesoffangirl/pseuds/talesoffangirl
Summary: Luke didn’t know what he wanted. All he knew was that he was tired of thinking, of trying to figure things out, of walking on eggshells when it came to himself. He was tired of wondering. He’d had a plan for his life that he’d had every intention of following. And it had been working just fine, until one person - one damn person - had burned it up and snuffed out the flames and Luke couldn’t read the pieces he had left. He didn’t know where to go from here.___Luke has a plan. Asch ruins it. Guy isn't helping. And the universe is probably face-palming.***The Soulmate AU Origin Story***





	Atychiphobia

**Author's Note:**

> The story that no one asked for but surely was expecting, that I finally caved in and wrote, and that took an actual year to finish. Don't ask me what happened I blocked the entire process out. 
> 
> Dedicated as always to my soulmate Dakota, who I love more than cupcakes. But I'm also extending the dedication on this one to two other very special people: Nathan and Jeredu, who both stepped up and were there for me when I was in desperate need of some good friends. Thank you guys, and I love you just as much. 
> 
> Enjoy this fucking monster.

There were two different kinds of hurt.

There was good hurt, like aching cheeks from smiling for too long or stomach aches after laughing too much. 

But then there was bad hurt, like twisted ankles after tripping or the feeling of inadequacy. _Or a broken heart._

It was something Luke had unconsciously taken to doing: classifying different situations as good hurt or bad hurt. Hurt that he would be okay with feeling versus hurt he had to stay away from. _Make sure Guy stayed away from._ It was another defense mechanism, one that made him feel like - in this world where so much was supposedly left up to destiny - he had some kind of control over what happened to him. _Over what he could let happen to his best friend._ And that little bit of comfort kept Luke going, helped keep him calm. _He didn't want Guy to worry about him so much._

But Luke wasn't sure how to classify the hurt he felt in his arms. On one hand, it was a good hurt: it reminded him that he was doing something, that he was making an effort to move forward with his life. And that made him proud. 

On the other hand, it was a bad hurt, because _damn_ why were these textbooks so _heavy?_

Luke grumbled softly to himself as he shifted the books he was holding to his other arm. He was doing his best to make handling the damned things as painless as possible, but after being stuck waiting in the checkout line for nearly ten minutes, he was starting to realize he was fighting a losing battle. The skin of both his forearms was red from the constant rubbing and shifting, and indents from the covers’ dull corners were pressed into the insides of his wrists and elbows. 

At least he wasn't the only college student scrambling last minute to find textbooks. Luke had meant to buy them ages before classes started, he really had. But with him moving into Guy’s apartment and having to figure out the new lease and unpacking all of his stuff and of course needing time to play video games and binge watch movies, preparing for his freshman year of college had been pushed to the backburner of his mind. For a little while too long, if he had to admit. By the time he finally tried to order what he needed online, the books were either out of stock or would take a week to ship - estimated. And with his classes already starting the following week, that was cutting it close; even for Luke’s procrastinating ass. 

Thank Lorelei for his best friend.

“Relax, okay? There's a bookstore out in the city that carries most of textbooks the local universities require. I got a lot of mine from there. Go check it out and see what you find before you start panicking.” Guy had grinned at him and clapped him on the shoulder. “And you're welcome to use my old ones, too. Saved ‘em for you.”

Luke didn't think he'd ever loved Guy more in his _life._ And he didn't think he'd ever hauled his ass off the couch and down to his car as quickly as he had that morning. 

By some stroke of luck that had apparently been missing for his entire life until that very moment, Luke managed to find the textbooks without any trouble. Guy was right: the bookstore had an entire section dedicated to them, and even had them all organized by major. The sociology section had exactly what he needed: Principles of Sociology, front and center of the row, and he found Introduction to Psychology on the next shelf over. With Guy letting him use his old Calculus and Communications books, that was all of Luke’s classes for the upcoming semester present and accounted for. 

He loaded his finds into his arms and immediately noted the decent-but-still-uncomfortable weight each one carried. Lugging them around for longer than necessary was definitely not an appealing idea, so Luke made a beeline for the checkout counter. 

Unfortunately, he hadn’t taken into account the swarm of college kids who all had the same plan as he did. And while it was comforting to know that he wasn’t the only one who had sabotaged himself, it was disheartening to see how long the line stretched. The line that Luke had no choice but to wait in. 

Ten minutes later and his arms had a weird half-numb, half-pained feeling in them. _Bad hurt, definitely a bad hurt._ Thankfully, the person in front of him was finishing up with their purchase, and within the next minute the checkout counter was beautifully empty. Luke’s arms groaned with relief as he set his burdens down and gave his muscles a much-needed squeeze to break through the numbness. Good thing he’d gotten a new bag for school; the thought of having to carry these things across campus every day was practically nightmare-fuel.

As he watched his books slide across the scanner and disappear into a paper bag, Luke couldn’t help but smile to himself. It had taken him a while, and he still had a long way to go, but he was getting his life together. Slowly, but surely. _Maybe sometimes, bad hurt could become good hurt, in the end._

The cashier read off his total, and Luke was all too eager to stuff his hand into his pocket for his wallet. _Oh, wait,_ he thought as his fingers touched nothing, _that’s right, other pocket._

His other pocket gave him the same result. So did the one on his hoodie, and he even checked the little side pocket at his knee just to come up with nothing but lint beneath his fingernails. His wallet was nowhere to be found. 

_Shit._

“Sir?” Luke looked up at the woman behind the counter, at the patient and sympathetic smile on her face. He could tell by the look she was giving him that she already knew what he was about to say. That didn’t stop his face from flaring hotly. 

“Um,” he stuttered, “I-I’m really sorry, but, um… I can’t find my wallet.” Where had he left it? His car? The apartment? In another pair of pants? 

“I’m sorry, sir, but if you have no way to pay, I’m going to have to cancel the transaction.” 

Luke could feel his eyes starting to sting and his bottom lip starting to quiver. He bit harshly at the inside of his cheek, trying to at least prevent himself that embarrassment. _What kind of idiot cries over some textbooks? Pull yourself together!_

He swallowed, readying himself to speak, but the woman beat him to it. “If you’d like, I can leave these set aside for you to come back and pay for later. As long as the rest don’t run out before then, they’re yours.” 

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, please, thanks.” Luke took a deep breath to compose himself. It was fine, everything was fine, Guy would lend him the money if he didn't end up finding his wallet and he would pay him back. It was fine. “I'll be back later then, thank you-” 

“Wait.” Luke looked over his shoulder. Whoever was standing behind him in line was now stepping up to the counter: a guy with long red hair and a determined look in his green eyes. “Don’t cancel it yet.”

The cashier blinked owlishly. “I’m sorry...?”

“Just ring this up with it.” The guy set a novel down on the counter. “I’ll pay for it.”

“Sir, are you sure-?”

“No.” Both she and the person trying to pay for him looked over as Luke spoke. “No, it’s okay, thank you so much for offering but I couldn’t ask you to-”

“You didn’t ask me to.” The guy looked away, ignoring the rest of Luke’s stuttering protests. “Ring it up. Please.” 

Luke watched with wide eyes as the woman did just that, scanning the guy’s book and bagging it separately before rattling off a total. A total that was definitely much larger than what this person had been expecting to pay for just his one novel. But he slid a card forward carelessly, and the cashier ran it through the machine. 

He thanked her as she handed him the bags, passing the one stuffed with textbooks over to Luke. Luke clutched it to his chest, finding himself unable to do anything but continue to stare at this actual angel - in a leather jacket, at that - in shock. The guy rolled his eyes and took Luke by the shoulders, turning him around and giving him a gentle shove towards the exit. 

“Come on, we’re holding up the line.” 

Luke was glad the guy couldn’t see his face at that moment. He could feel the flush burning down his cheeks and across his ears as he hurried out of the store. 

The crisp autumn wind whipping at his face as he stepped outside made him feel a bit better. He tugged at the collar of his hoodie, giving himself some breathing room. The door slammed shut behind him, and when Luke turned, the guy was standing there, one hand propped on his hip in what would normally seem like a haughty form of expression, but on him seemed almost natural. 

“All good?”

“Y-Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” Luke smiled sheepishly. “Thank you so much, you’re an actual life saver. And- And I can pay you back-” 

The guy held his hand up. “Don’t worry about it. It was nothing.”

“It was hardly nothing! Textbooks are expensive, you know!”

“Yeah, I know.” He offered a small smile, and even though Luke knew it was meant to be a flippant remark, it still made him feel bad. 

“At least let me buy you a coffee or something-”

“You lost your wallet, remember?” Luke’s face flared again. He did remember. “Really, it’s fine. Just do me a favor, and sell those textbooks to someone else who needs them for a not ridiculous price. Then we’ll call it even.” 

“...Okay. Okay, yeah, I can do that. Thank you, again.” 

“We college kids have to stick together.” The guy nodded at him. “That’s a Baticul Uni sweatshirt, isn’t it?”

Luke looked down, shifting the bag of books away from his chest and revealing the gold logo on his hoodie. Though Baticul University was indeed his school, it was Guy’s hoodie. Luke had grabbed it off the couch in his rush out the door. 

“Oh, uh, yeah. You go there?”

The guy shook his head. “I’m up at UOK.” He shrugged a drawstring bag off his shoulder, letting Luke see the words _University of Kimlasca_ printed on the black fabric in red lettering. 

Luke couldn’t help but smile at that. “You aren’t going to get any shit from associating with someone from your rival school, are you?” He got a small smile in reply. 

“No one’s dumb enough to try. Let the athletes work that one out.”

“Yeah. I’m just here to focus on surviving my first week.” 

“Don’t worry, so is everyone else. Good luck with yours.” He held his hand out. Luke shifted his bag to one arm so he could return the gesture. 

“Same to you, with, ah… whatever it is you’re doing.” His awkward attempt at the sentiment received a chuckle.

“Thanks. Take care of those textbooks. They weren’t cheap.” Luke giggled as the guy headed off down the sidewalk, waving over his shoulder. Luke waved back, watching as that head of dark red hair started through a crosswalk and was eventually swallowed up by the crowd of people walking with him. 

Luke sighed heavily and turned around, starting down the block to where he’d parked his car. He was unlocking his door when a familiar ringtone pierced the air.

“Hey, Guy,” he answered after wrestling his phone from his pocket. 

“Where are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for like fifteen minutes. You left your wallet on the counter.” Luke heaved a sigh of relief. _Thank Lorelei for his best friend._ “You still at the bookstore? I can run it down to you real quick.”

Luke dropped his bag of books off in the passenger seat before sliding into the driver’s side. “No, you don’t have to. Unless you wanna meet up for lunch. I’m starved.”

“Wait, what? What about your books?”

“Took care of it. How about that pizza place in the square? Sound good?”

“Luke, you are so _not_ funny. What did you do?”

He laughed and placed his key into the ignition. His car rumbled to life beneath him. “I’ll tell you, if you accept my invitation.” 

Guy sighed into his ear. “Fine, but you’re paying. I conveniently just lost my wallet.”

“Asshole.” 

“Takes one to know one. See you in ten.” 

Luke rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face as he dropped his phone in the cup holder and began to pull out of his parking spot. Two slices of pizza were way cheaper than two textbooks. He’d gladly take this one. 

_Maybe that bad hurt wasn’t so bad, after all._

~:~

Walking into the coffee shop was like walking into a little piece of Heaven. The smell of roasting coffee beans filled Luke’s nose, soothing and calming and making his mouth water. Hell, he was ready to shoot a whole cup’s worth of coffee right into his veins at that point. 

He was exhausted from staying up most of the night, waiting until the darkness outside his window became gray light before he finally allowed himself to sleep. He’d gotten a whopping four hours as a result, and was dead on his feet when Guy dragged him out of bed for the drive to school that morning. He stuffed Luke into the car with his backpack on his lap, listening wordlessly to Luke’s tired mumbling about how much he wished he was still in bed and how he knew he was going to fail this exam anyway and all of this would have been for nothing and why didn’t Guy at least give him any food before they left. 

Somewhere in the middle of his ranting he realized the car wasn’t moving anymore, and when he glanced out the window, he immediately recognized the storefront of their favorite café. Guy thumped him solidly on the back of the head.

“C’mon, freshie, let’s get your whiny ass a coffee.” Luke was so damn grateful for his best friend in that moment that he hardly cared about the nickname or the jibe. He was out of the car and darting into the shop before Guy even closed his door. 

His best friend stepped in behind him and planted his hands on Luke’s shoulders. “Quit being dramatic. I haven’t had any yet this morning either, and if you make me wait any longer after I just spent fifteen minutes listening to you complain on the entire drive here, I’m locking you in the trunk.”

“Cool, is attempted kidnapping a valid excuse to miss an exam?”

Guy shoved him. “Go order. I’ll pay.”

“You paid last time-”

“And I’m paying this time, too. Now move it, would ya?”

Luke shot his friend a small smile over his shoulder. Even though it sometimes felt like Guy babied him, he really did appreciate it. Little things like offering to pay for his coffee were Guy’s way of showing he cared for and worried about Luke. _Just like Luke’s odd little ticks were his way of showing he cared for and worried about Guy._

They’d made it just before the morning rush, and were at the front of the line by the time it stretched all the way back to the door. Both their drinks were ordered, paid for, and being made behind the counter in just a few minutes. Luke’s luck ended there, however, when Guy’s drink was handed over by itself. 

“I’m sorry, sir, we’re still waiting for the next batch of raspberry syrup to warm up. Your drink will be out in a few minutes.”

“Sure, no problem.” The raspberry syrup was the best part anyway. It would be well worth the wait. 

Guy hiked his bag up on his shoulder. “I’m gonna go wait by a table. I’ve got my laptop on me today, I’ll break my shoulder holding this thing more than I have to.” `

“Now whose ass is being whiny?”

“You’re lucky I really want this coffee, otherwise I’d throw it at you.” Guy kicked him lightly in the shin instead. Luke just laughed and pulled out his phone to entertain himself while he waited. 

The morally correct thing that he knew he should be doing was pulling up his study guide online and getting in some last minute review of the topics he wasn’t quite comfortable with. But instead, he opened up a game on his phone and started tapping away. He deserved a little break after his all-nighter, surely. 

“Paying for yourself this time?”

Luke looked up from his phone. There wasn’t anyone else by the counter. The comment must not have been directed at him, but instinctively, he checked over his shoulder to see who was speaking. He blinked at the person he saw standing there. 

“It’s you!”

Maybe that comment _was_ meant for him. 

“I knew I recognized that sweatshirt.” Luke looked down. He’d stolen Guy’s hoodie off the couch again that morning, too lazy to go back into his room to get his own.

“It’s not even mine, so don’t try to use that trick every time.” He smiled at the guy who’d saved his life at the bookstore a few weeks prior, and was pleased when he got a little smile in return. 

“So? Remember your wallet this time?”

He reached into his bag and pulled his wallet out, waving it triumphantly in the air. “Right here!” The guy didn’t need to know that he still hadn’t paid for himself. This was a different case entirely. “Hey, uh, I can buy you that coffee now, if you want?” In response, the guy lifted up the coffee cup Luke hadn't noticed he was holding, and took a long drink from it. 

“Five minutes too late.” 

He smiled sheepishly. “Damn. Next time, then.” 

“I'll remember to leave my wallet behind, just for you.” Luke laughed, and his effort was at least rewarded with another small smile. 

He stuck his hand out. “I’m-” 

“Dark chocolate raspberry mocha for Luke!” A cup was set down on the counter beside where Luke was standing. He blinked in surprise and picked it up, then offered the guy a shrug. 

“Luke.” 

The guy copied him, a leather-clad shoulder bobbing up and back down. “Asch.”

“Asch. Nice to finally have a name for the guy who saved my ass.” Asch waved the words away with his cup. 

“Don't even. It was nothing, really.”

“It was sure something to me.” Luke turned his attention to the phone in his other hand, intending to close the game and lock it, but his eyes caught the time printed at the top of the screen. “Shit, I gotta go, I have an exam in forty minutes.” 

“Ah, caffeine cure for an all-nighter?” 

“And still not enough, either.” He stuffed his phone back into his pocket. “Maybe I'll see you around?” 

“Maybe.” Asch held out his coffee cup. “Good luck on your exam.” 

Luke beamed and knocked his own cup lightly against the other’s. “Thanks, I'll probably need it.” 

“You’d be surprised how much you remember even when you study at two in the morning.” 

“Speaking from experience?” 

“Trust me, after this exam, so will you.” 

Luke grinned and hiked his bag higher up on his shoulder. “Bye, Asch.” He gave a little wave as he turned to go, catching Asch’s return of the gesture before he faced forward and headed over to the table where Guy was waiting. He grabbed his best friend’s arm as he passed by, barely giving him time to grab his bag from the seat and hearing him curse as the coffee in his cup lapped dangerously at the sides. 

“Spill this and I’ll actually kill you.”

“Not if my exam offs me first.”

They tossed their bags back into the car and climbed in, nestling their coffee cups safely in the cupholders between them. Looking over his shoulder to check for incoming traffic, Guy asked, “What took you so long anyway? Who was that you were talking to?”

“Remember that guy I was telling you about from the bookstore? He paid for my stuff when I forgot my wallet?”

“That was him?” Guy reached a hand down and grabbed his coffee. “Huh. I guess UOK is pretty close to here. Makes sense.”

“It was kinda cool, seeing him again. Didn’t think I would.”

“He’s cute, from what I could see.”

Luke groaned. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“You know what. I _am_ capable of making _just friends_.”

“I was making an observation, that’s all.”

“Whatever.” 

Luke turned his head to stare out his window. 

_Friends. Friends are good. Friends are safe._

He took another long sip of his coffee, licking raspberry syrup from his lips. 

_Safer, at the very least._

~:~

_Text Message: Guy_  
_Sent: 9:21 AM_

_Got out of class early. At the café, send your order when you're done and I'll bring it with me to pick you up._

Luke pushed the door to the coffee shop open with his shoulder as he watched the screen of his phone, waiting for the notification that his message had successfully sent before locking it and slipping it back into his pocket. The café was always busier when he came after his morning class, already filled with other college students scrambling for caffeine to get them through their 10AM classes. Luke couldn’t deny how envious he was of them; he’d rather wait in line for coffee every day then have to get up stupidly early every day to make his 8AM class. At least said class matched up with Guy’s morning schedule, leaving the two of them free to spend break together most days. 

He glanced at the line in front of him. It wasn't too bad for the morning rush. It seemed as though most of the orders had been taken and now it was just a matter of waiting for them to be made and handed out. Luke sidestepped a bit, counting the number of patrons ahead of him. _One, two, three…_

On the person he mentally numbered as four, his eyes caught on a head of dark red hair, long and falling over a black drawstring bag. Luke could make out its bits of red lettering: that first word was definitely “university,” and he had a feeling he could guess the word starting with a K beneath it.

Luke tightened his grip on the strap of his own bag. He only thought about it for a moment before his feet were taking him out of his spot in line and guiding him forward. He gave a little wave to the people he passed, a silent assurance that he wasn’t trying to skip ahead, and stayed off to the side as he stopped beside the redhead. 

“I knew I recognized that bag.” 

Asch looked up from his phone, blinking in surprise as he saw Luke standing there next to him. He hiked the bag in question further up on his shoulder.

“Probably. Everyone who goes to UOK and their mother has one.”

Luke laughed. “Okay, you got me. It was your hair that gave you away. But the bag did help.” Asch rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at his lips. “I was hoping I’d run into you here again.”

“Why’s that?”

“I still owe you a coffee.”

“You’re still on that? It’s been like, a month since then. It hardly matters now.”

“It matters to me! If anything, it means I’ve built up interest.” 

Asch groaned and brought a hand to his temple. “Stop. Not until I’ve had enough coffee to recover from the two hour History of Economics class I just got out of.”

Luke made a soft, sympathetic hissing sound. “Yeah, I’m buying you a coffee, just for that. Come on.” He reached out and grabbed Asch by the wrist, tugging experimentally on his arm. Asch didn’t budge, but the look he gave him was more playful than angry. 

“I’ve been waiting in this line for almost ten minutes now, and you expect me to just go to the end with you and waste all that?”

“For free coffee? I’d do it.”

“Yeah, I would, too.” When Luke tugged on his arm again, Asch came with him, and the two of them made their way to the back of the line. 

“So,” Luke began, “History of Economics, huh?”

Asch rolled his eyes. “Seriously, don’t.”

“I don’t blame you, it just _sounds_ bad. What made you wanna take a class like that?”

“My major. Which I regret taking on a little more every day.”

Luke laughed. “You sound just like my friend. He’s always talking about how much he hates his Engineering major, but everyone knows he wouldn’t want to do anything else.”

“Sounds like a friend of mine, too. He and his sister are both Engineering majors. All that junk goes right over my head. I don’t know how they do it.”

“Exactly. I have enough on my plate just with Calculus, I can’t imagine doing all the crazy stuff they have to do.”

“I don’t miss Calculus, I’ll give you that one.” 

They had been gradually moving forward in the line, and were now back in the spot Asch had been in when Luke had first arrived. Luke sidestepped again, checking how many more customers were ahead of them. Only two now. 

“Already did your time with that, huh?” he asked, looking back over at Asch, who nodded.

“Yeah, took it for my first year Math rec. Though I can’t say Statistics is much more fun.” Asch rested a hand on his hip, a stance that Luke recognized from the day they’d met at the bookstore. Just as before, it didn’t give Luke the “holier-than-thou” vibe that the same position might have on someone else. If anything, it made Asch look thoughtful, like it was his way of showing his attention had been caught. “How bad is yours? High level?”

“Oh, just first-level. I was actually pretty good at it when I took it in high school, but it’s been, like, a year since then so I figured I could use a refresher.” Luke shrugged and tucked his hands into his hoodie pocket. “I took a gap year after I graduated to get my life together. With me moving out and uh, just personal stuff… I needed a little time.”

“No, I get it. Sometimes I wish I’d taken a gap year myself, just to be able to breathe for a while.” Asch returned the shrug. “It is what it is. Do you have a major picked out?”

“Ah, Sociology. Don’t know what exactly I want to do with it yet, but I know I want to work with people.”

Luke had been pretty adamant when he’d applied to Baticul University that he wanted to enroll in their Sociology program. He didn’t regret that decision, and so far really enjoyed his Introduction to Sociology class. Despite that, though, the smile that Asch gave him made his chest feel warm and giddy, like that small indication of acceptance was something he’d been craving without even knowing it. 

“That’s really cool. You seem like you’d do really well with that.”

His face heated, and Luke lifted a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “Well, thanks.” He wasn’t used to being told he was good at things. It had started becoming fuzz in his ears whenever Guy said it. 

The cashier calling for the next customer in line saved Luke from having to reply any further. He was quick to step forward, Asch moving up next to him. The girl at the cash register smiled.

“Hey, Asch. Your usual?”

“Please. And whatever he wants, too.” She nodded and began punching numbers into the register. Luke gave his order and made a show of pulling out his wallet - if Asch thought he was going to let him weasel his way out of being paid for than he had another thing coming. But besides a glance-over as the wallet came out and a roll of his eyes in response, Asch didn’t put up any fuss. The cashier swiped Luke’s card and ushered them off to the side to wait. 

“How often do you have to come here for you to have a ‘usual?’” Luke asked, smiling at the huff Asch made at the mention of the apparent class from hell. 

“Every day I have that damn Economics class. If I don't have a caffeine boost after that, I won't make it through the day.” 

“What major are you going for that makes you take a class like that?”

“Political Science, with a minor in International Politics.”

Luke blinked. “Wow.”

Asch cracked a smile at his eloquent response. “That’s the reaction I normally get. Sometimes even I wonder what the hell’s wrong with me.” 

“What made you want pick it, then, if you don’t like it?”

“Because I do like it, really. Just not all the time, and definitely not on mornings like these.” Asch’s attention was pulled away by his name being called out, and he reached over to grab the coffee cup with his name scrawled along the side. His voice was muffled a bit as he spoke again, with the opening of the lid to his lips. “I blame my father for it.”

“He’s into politics, too?”

“You could say that.”

Luke tipped his head at that answer, but was again spared replying by his coffee order. He snatched his cup up from the counter and took a sip of it as he fished his phone from his pocket. No message from Guy yet. 

“Do you have a class to head back to?” he asked, looking back up to Asch. “I have to wait for my friend to finish his exam before I can go anywhere, so, if you had nothing else to do…” 

That little smile crossed Asch’s face again, the one that made Luke want to cheer in triumph for earning. He shrugged a shoulder. “Sure. I have nowhere to be.” Luke grinned widely, happiness bubbling through him as he watched Asch hide another smile behind a drink of his coffee. 

They snagged a booth right in front of one of the large windows, dumping their bags onto the seats and sliding in across from each other. Sunlight filtered in through the glass, a glint of it catching the corner of Luke’s eye. But he hardly noticed it, too focused on Asch and his current story as they fell back into their previous conversation like it had never ended. 

Classes and school life gave way to talking about friendships. Luke talked about Guy and moving into his apartment last summer and Asch talked about how he and his own best friend had chosen the same major and suffered through it together. Luke cracked jokes that made Asch chuckle and Asch made plenty of offhanded sarcastic comments that at one point had Luke choking on a mouthful of hot coffee. They talked about what music they liked and what foods they didn’t. They poked fun at each other’s coffee orders. Luke asked where he’d gotten his jacket from and got lost in the way Asch’s emerald eyes sparkled as he tugged on the collar and explained how his mother had gotten it for him for his birthday a few years ago. And then he erupted into laughter when Asch threw the question back at him and asked why he didn’t just buy his own hoodie, and explained through gasps of breath that Guy’s hoodie was way more comfortable, and he’d stolen it so many times that it might as well have been his now. 

The only person Luke had ever forgotten about time while talking to was Guy, during their late night conversations about life and where theirs were going. They would sprawl out on the couch in the early evening, and before Luke knew it he would be blinking blearily at the time on the TV cable box, reading the number two and realizing they should probably get to bed. 

It took his phone vibrating against his thigh for him to suddenly remember that, yes, time was still ticking while he was talking with Asch. He held up a finger as he dug the device out of his pocket, seeing the text from Guy devoid of emojis or punctuation, proof of his exhaustion after his two hour exam. 

“Damn, that’s him now,” Luke said, looking at Asch. “He didn’t use any emojis in his text, I shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

“The tell-tale sign of a bad mood. I don’t blame you.” Asch pulled his own phone out and checked the time himself. “I should probably get going anyway, I still have an hour of Statistics to get through before I can head home.” 

“Coming back for coffee after?”

“Maybe, since I have the money for a third cup.” Asch gave his little smile and Luke gave him his bright grin back.

They grabbed their bags and hiked them over their shoulders as they slid out from their seats. Luke found himself disappointed; he didn’t want the meeting to end. He wanted to hear more about Asch’s classes and his friends and how his father tried to help him with his Economics class and threw a fit when Asch always said no. Talking to Asch was _fun._

“So, I’ll see you around, then?” Luke couldn’t help the hopeful little tone to his voice. He wondered if Asch had picked up on it.

He must have, Luke decided, because the corner of his smile twitched and he dropped his bag back off of his shoulder, pulling it open to dig around inside of it. His hand came back out with a pen, and he held his free one out to Luke. 

Wordlessly, Luke obeyed, reaching out and setting his own hand into Asch’s waiting palm. His fingers closed, and Asch uncapped the pen with his teeth and touched it to Luke’s skin. 

When Asch let him go, there was a neat line of numbers decorating the back of his hand. Luke had to actually hold back a cheer, instead letting it manifest itself as a broad, goofy grin. 

“I’ll text you.”

“I’ll text you back.” 

Luke laughed, and Asch clapped him lightly on the shoulder as he passed him to get to the door. 

“Tell your friend I said I’m sorry for him.”

“He’ll appreciate that. Have fun in Statistics.”

“Hardly.” 

Asch’s hand left his shoulder. Luke turned around to watch him make his way out the door. His gaze followed Asch as he walked by the window, and he waved at him until he disappeared behind the wall and out of Luke’s sight. 

His grin stayed plastered on his face as he went back up to the counter, ordering Guy’s French latté with two creams and an extra shot of espresso. It stayed there the entire time he waited for the drink to be made and still hadn’t moved by the time he made it back to his car. He set the cup into the cupholder, let his eyes catch on the numbers inked across his hand, and sighed in content. 

_Take that, Guy. I can make friends._

~:~

“You’re delusional.”

“No, I’m _logical._ And you’re annoying.” 

“Annoying, because you know I’m right.” 

“Annoying, because you’re annoying. Shut up and eat your pizza.” 

“Okay, _Mary_.” 

Luke reached over and punched Guy on the shoulder, not even caring when the blond yelped in protest as the soda in his glass sloshed over the side and ran down his hand. He set it on the coffee table and grabbed a napkin, beginning to mop the stickiness from his fingers. 

“You’re so lucky that didn’t get on the couch. I would’ve actually killed you.”

“If I had a piece of gald for every time you’ve said that to me, I’d be moving out already.” 

It was Guy’s turn to punch him, but all Luke was holding was a piece of pizza, which still ended up in his mouth anyway. He grinned at Guy victoriously with food-filled cheeks, and his best friend rolled his eyes. 

It was the end of another week of classes, and that meant a pizza party on their couch watching reruns of cooking shows they’d seen a thousand times already. It was stupid, and they got way too excited over who they thought deserved to win the title of Auldrant’s Best Baker, but it was Luke’s favorite part of any week. The lecture he hadn’t understood, the exam he hadn’t done well on, the looming doom of the week to come: none of it mattered on pizza night. All that mattered was eating enough junk food to make his stomach feel ready to burst and rooting for the competitor that would win the competition - or beat out whoever Guy was rooting for, at the very least. 

“Let me ask you something.” Guy wadded up his napkin and tossed it at Luke, who batted it away and whooped when it ended up landing in the lid of the pizza box. “Why are you so against the fact that there might be potential for something? You’ve never talked about someone the way you talk about this guy.” 

“Because there is _no potential_ , Guy, I’m telling you!” He reached for another slice of pizza and pointed it at his friend. “Ask me how I know.” Guy raised an eyebrow at him in exasperation, but held his hands up in defeat when Luke started shaking the pizza slice at him insistently.

“Fine, fine. How do you know, Luke?”

“Because when I was with him, it felt like I was with _you_. I love you to death, Guy, but I’d never date you. Ever.” 

“Ouch? I think that offended me.” 

“Good.” He took a bite of his pizza and leaned back against the couch. “Seriously, though, it felt like I spent the afternoon talking to a best friend. And that’s all it was. Just friends.”

“Luke-”

“Can you just, stop bringing it up? Please? Things are okay right now, just the way they are. So let’s leave it at that.”

Guy shifted on his side of the couch so that when he leaned back he ended up pressed against Luke’s shoulder. “You know I just want you to be happy.” 

Luke quietly chewed on his pizza slice, not liking the turn their conversation had taken. “Yeah, I know. And I am, okay? Promise.” 

Guy didn’t respond to that one, just adjusted his head to lay more comfortably on Luke’s shoulder, his eyes trained on the TV screen. Luke set his half-eaten pizza slice on the arm of the couch. He curled up against Guy’s back, his blonde hair tickling Luke’s cheek as he rested it on top of his head. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

Maybe he wasn’t happy. Was any freshman-year college student ever really happy? He didn’t know. But what he did know was that right now, balled up on the couch beside his best friend in the world, watching strangers on TV cry over their failed cupcakes, he was definitely okay with where he was. And he was okay with that simple okayness. He wouldn’t want to be anywhere - or with anyone - else. 

“Damn it!”

“Ha! I told you, she didn’t have a chance! And her cupcakes looked terrible!”

“Shut the- Did you put your pizza on the couch?! Luke! This is why we don’t own nice things!” 

Guy was all he’d ever needed. And Guy was all he needed now. 

_Asch was just a bonus. Just another good friend._

~:~

_Text Conversation: Asch_

_Sent: 6:18 PM_  
_What are you doing this weekend_

_Received: 6:20 PM_  
_Homework, most likely. Why?_

_Sent: 6:21 PM_  
_Guy has a study group thing so I need someone to come over and eat pizza and watch Worst Cooks in Kimlasca with me_

_Received: 6:21 PM_  
_Worst Cooks in Kimlasca? You watch junk like that?_

_Sent: 6:22 PM_  
_IT IS NOT JUNK_

_Received: 6:22 PM_  
_You’re just watching other people cook on TV. That’s dumb._

_Sent: 6:22 PM_  
_First off, you’re dumb_  
_Second off, now you have to come watch it with me so you can understand how awesome it is_

_Received: 6:24 PM_  
_Insulting me is not the way to get me to agree to this. But I guess I can come for the pizza._

_Sent: 6:25 PM_  
_I’ll take that_  
_So in that case, don’t forget your wallet_

_Received: 6:26 PM_  
_I’m not coming anymore._

_Sent: 6:26 PM_  
_I’ll send you the address to my apartment_  
_See you this weekend!_

~:~

It was obvious from the start of the night that Asch really had just come for the pizza. He rolled his eyes and made sarcastic quips the entire time Luke was setting up their camp in the living room: pizza boxes on the coffee table, liters of soda beside them, plastic cups and paper plates so he wouldn’t have to do the dishes that night, and plenty of extra napkins. The TV had already been turned on and the correct channel was playing on screen, long before Asch had even arrived. 

“I can’t believe I agreed to this. This is the stuff my mother watches.”

“Your mom has awesome taste. Now shut up and eat your pizza.” 

Despite Asch’s constant teasing about what an old lady he was, Luke was just as enthusiastic about his show as he would have been with Guy next to him. He cheered when competitors he didn’t like failed and groaned when those he did messed something up. He critiqued the dishes on screen like he was a renowned food connoisseur - even though in reality he was still likely to burn a grilled cheese on the stove. And while he clearly wasn’t as into the whole ordeal as Luke was, Asch still played along, and chuckled whenever Luke happened to say something he found somewhat clever. 

They were three hour-long episodes in, their stomachs already filled with plenty of pizza. Between the two of them, they’d taken out an entire box, and were now sitting back against the couch sipping on their sodas. 

“Okay, but seriously. Look at that dessert. Like, they’re just _asking_ them all to fail! None of them are gonna be able to make that!”

“Isn’t the point of the show for them to fail anyway?”

“No!” Luke paused with his soda cup halfway to his mouth. “Well, maybe. But the point is also for them to get better so they can win the competition!” 

“Please. Half of those people aren’t ever going to get better.” Asch pointed at the screen, balancing his own cup carefully between his other four fingers. “Like that guy? Never getting anywhere. I’m a college student and even I know how to make pudding without burning it.”

“Leave him alone! I like him! And making pudding is hard!”

“It was from a _box._ ”

Luke shoved him on the shoulder. Unlike Guy, who probably would’ve spilled his soda everywhere, Asch kept the cup in his hand high enough to avoid any of the drink spilling out, and still managed to reach out and return the shove. Which left Luke no choice but to shove him again. When he saw Asch place the cup down on the coffee table, he knew he had started a war. They shoved each other back and forth on the couch, Luke laughing like he’d been drinking alcohol instead of soda and Asch smiling the widest Luke had ever seen with his emerald eyes bright. 

He felt his stomach start to hurt, his pizza-stuffed belly protesting all the laughter and movement. Throwing his hands over his head, he tucked himself into a ball on the couch, calling out, “Okay, okay! Truce!” He heard Asch chuckle above him, and the shoving-assault to his shoulder stopped. 

Luke uncovered his head and looked cautiously up at the other redhead, ready to go back into defense mode if the truce wasn’t taken seriously. But Asch just smiled down at him, one of his arms slung across the back of the couch and the other folded in his lap: a sign of peace. Luke giggled some more and shifted himself up into a sitting position, his own smile so wide his cheeks were beginning to ache. This was fun - the type of fun Luke always looked forward to at the end of a long week. It apparently didn’t matter if it was Guy or Asch next to him. The feeling still blossomed in his chest and made him feel warm with happiness down to his toes. 

And then Asch began leaning in, putting himself into Luke’s space, and it was like the happy little flower growing in his chest was torn from the ground, uprooted without any kind of hesitation. 

Luke’s hand flew out, landing squarely on Asch’s shoulder as he rocked himself backwards, putting even more space between them on the couch. 

“What are you doing?”

He had only known Asch for a month or so, but he’d never seen the other redhead look anything less than confident and comfortable in his own skin. In that moment, Asch looked the exact opposite of that. He looked like an animal caught in the blinding beams of a car’s headlights. Luke felt his shoulder tense beneath his palm. 

“I’m sorry.” Asch leaned back into his proper spot on the couch, Luke yanking his hand back as he did so. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t…. I didn’t mean to push it too far, I just….”

Luke blinked slowly. His stomach was starting to churn from something that had nothing to do with how much pizza he’d eaten. “Push…. Push _what_ too far?”

“Nothing. Nothing, that was stupid of me, I should’ve asked first, or…. Or something. If that’s moving too fast for you-”

“Asch, what the hell are you talking about?”

Asch went very, very still. The uncertainty melted from his face, leaving a blank slate over his features that chilled Luke down to his bones. He’d never seen this look on Asch before either. He didn’t like it. 

“We aren’t on the same page with this.”

“With what?” Luke curled himself back up into a ball, trying to protect every part of his body from any kind of touch besides his own. His hands trembled where they gripped tight around his ankles. 

“With us.”

He shook his head before those two words - those final two nails in his coffin - had even finished being spoken. He’d known exactly what Asch was talking about. He didn’t want to hear it. 

“There is no _us_ , Asch. We…. We’re just _friends_.” 

Asch’s expression didn’t so much as flicker. Luke wanted him to stop looking at him like that. “Just friends.” 

Luke bit his bottom lip and stayed quiet. There wasn’t anything more to say. The silence between them stretched thinner and thinner, a sheet of ice they were stuck standing on, and one wrong move would cause it to shatter and send them into the unforgiving depths of whatever lay below. 

Luke felt sicker by the second. His stomach was twisted into knots and his knuckles were white. He wondered how obvious his shaking was, if his heart was really beating as loud as it sounded to his own ears. 

_Bad hurt. Bad hurt bad hurt bad hurt._

“I should go.” 

Luke still didn’t say anything, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, the faintest taste of blood filling his mouth from the sore he’d chewed into the soft flesh. _It hurt._

He watched Asch stand from the couch, watched him gather his phone and his car keys from the coffee table and his jacket from the other arm of the couch. He said something, something about thanking him for dinner - the words were lost in the cotton that had filled Luke’s ears, but the sharp edge to his tone cut clean through and made Luke’s whole body ache. _It hurt._

Asch let himself out of the apartment. Luke stayed where he was, curled up into the smallest ball he could manage, trying to disappear. The sound of the door closing was loud - _roaring_ \- and tore up anything Asch’s piercing tone hadn’t. _It hurt._

His hand shook as he reached for his phone. His fingers trembled as he unlocked it. It took his stumbling touch a few tries to finally get to the contact he was looking for. His breathing was ragged as he put the phone to his ear. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

At the sound of his best friend’s familiar voice, Luke dissolved into tears. 

“Luke...?!”

“C-Can you come home?” 

_It hurt._

~:~

The sound of his bedroom door creaking open gained Luke’s half-awake attention, but he made no effort to move and look towards the sound. He kept his gaze trained on the window that he’d been staring at since he woke up, watching sunlight strain in through his blue curtains. The mattress dipped down by his knees.

“Hey,” came Guy’s voice, soft in the quiet morning of his room. Luke swallowed. His mouth felt dry and gummy.

“Hey.” 

His own voice came out more like the hoarse croak of a frog, but instead of commenting on it, Guy merely reached over and placed a mug down on his bedside table.

“Brought you some coffee.”

“Thanks.” 

“Do you want something to eat?”

“Not hungry.”

“Do you need anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No.”

Luke’s gaze stayed on the window, still not looking over at Guy as his best friend went through their usual checklist: the same one they always went through every time he had a panic attack. And while Guy had never made him feel less about himself because of them, had always been patient and kind and gentle with him, had overall always been the one who handled them the best of anyone he knew, Luke still felt embarrassed. 

He hadn’t wanted to cry. Crying made him feel stupid. He was a freshman in college now; he shouldn’t still be crying when he got scared. _He shouldn’t still be getting scared over something so dumb._ He should know how to take care of himself by now. He was supposed to be getting his life together, and he had a feeling that didn’t involve being a sniffling, whimpering mess on his couch waiting for his best friend to come and save him.

But when Guy had come rushing in last night, hurrying home at Luke’s plea and bringing in a flood of reminders with him, it was like that thin ice had finally caved in, and all of Luke’s self-control had shattered. Guy’s touch was soft, comforting, warm on his head and on his back. His fingers ran through his hair and his palm rubbed gentle circles at the base of his spine. His voice was calming, healing the cuts and aches that Asch’s bite had left, murmuring all kinds of soothing nonsense that Luke let himself latch onto and eat up until he was calm enough for Guy to coax into bed. He laid quietly next to him until Luke had fallen asleep.

Thank Lorelei for his best friend. _Thank you so much._

As if he knew what he was thinking about, Guy reached out again, this time to place a gentle hand on the side of Luke’s head. A shuddering exhale burned through Luke’s nose at the feeling of fingers rubbing at his temple.

“You wanna talk about what happened?” Luke was silent. He didn’t know how to answer that one. He usually didn’t, even though he knew to expect the question each time. “I won’t force you to.”

“I know.” Guy never had. He didn’t need to. He knew Luke would tell him eventually. He’d waited an entire week for a reason once, and didn’t even bat an eye when Luke suddenly brought it up out of the blue one night. Guy was the best.

_He deserves to know. You did ruin his night. He deserves to know why. You don’t want to worry him. He worries enough about you. Don’t make it worse._

Luke rolled onto his back, finally tearing his gaze away from the window and looking to his best friend. Guy’s hand easily moved with his shift in position to brush his bangs from his face. Luke stayed quiet for a few more brushes, before he feebly croaked out, “He tried to kiss me.” 

Guy’s fingers didn’t falter, even as his eyes blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Last night. Asch tried to kiss me and- and I didn’t know what to _do_ and I got freaked out and… And you were _right_ , and I was so _stupid_ and I-”

“Luke, hey, okay, it’s okay.” His hands were on Luke’s shoulders now, gentle weights that made him aware of his breathing and how erratic it was becoming. Luke sucked in a deep breath.

“How didn’t I know? How did I just not know what he meant, this whole time? How could I be _that stupid_ -!”

“Stop saying that.” Guy grabbed him by the arms and tugged him up into a sitting position. Luke went willingly, letting Guy wrap him into a hug. He was warm, and smelled like roasting coffee. “You didn’t know because you weren’t looking for it. That’s a completely honest thing to do, and it doesn’t make you stupid.”

“I should’ve known,” Luke repeated, mumbling the words bitterly. “Noticed something, at least…. I think I really hurt his feelings….” 

“Luke, anyone whose known you for even just five minutes knows you'd never hurt someone on purpose. I'm sure Asch knows that.” Guy squeezed him gently, reassuringly. “And I'm sure that if you call him and tell him you want to talk about what happened, he’ll listen, and you two can work it out.” 

Luke frowned thoughtfully. Asch didn't seem like an unreasonable person, and while he was blunt and sarcastic at the best of times, he’d never been outrightly cruel. Even last night, Luke was sure the bite behind his words came from hurt, not anger, and Luke couldn't blame him for that. Maybe he would be able to salvage something from talking to him. Luke owed him an apology, at the very least. 

“I’ll….try,” he said softly. “But, not right now….” 

“Don't push yourself. Give it a few days to settle, then try. And hey.” The seriousness in Guy’s voice prompted Luke to look up at him, and there was a stern expression on the blond’s face to match. “No more beating yourself up over this, hear me? You didn't do anything wrong.” 

Luke nodded slowly, then tucked himself back into his best friend’s arms. “Thanks, Guy.” 

Guy hummed softly in response and patted him lightly on the back of his head. “C’mon. Let’s go make some breakfast, and then we’ll move your blanket nest to the couch and we can watch movies all day. How’s that sound?”

Getting out of bed at that moment sounded like a colossal effort that Luke wasn’t sure he was ready to commit to yet. Laying back down and staring at his window again sounded much more inviting. But Guy’s hold on him was firm and sure, there for him to latch onto, and Luke decided that was reason enough to try.

He stood up and grabbed the coffee mug from where it sat forgotten on his bedside table. As he followed Guy out of his bedroom and back into the main space of their apartment, he took a sip of it and grimaced. It had gone cold, and did little to soothe his sore throat. He’d need to heat it up. And he should probably take a shower, and wash the stickiness from crying off his face, and put on some clean clothes, and-

_Pull himself back together. One step at a time._

~:~

It took a few days for Luke to feel like he was in a good enough state-of-mind to make the phone call he’d been dreading. He knew he couldn’t put it off forever, and that he really should just get it over with. He didn’t want that sad, guilty feeling to keep clawing its way through his chest; he needed to clean up this mess and right the person he’d wronged. 

Still, he stared blankly at Asch’s contact information on the screen of his phone for a solid two minutes before he finally worked up the courage to press the call button, and hastily brought the phone to his ear. It rang once. Twice. Thrice. 

Four times. Five. 

A beeping sound. 

_“Hey, it’s Asch Lorelei. Sorry I can’t take your call right now, but if you leave your name and a message, I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks.”_

Luke deflated as the recorded message chimed in his ear. Was Asch just busy, too caught up in something to pay attention to his phone? Or was he ignoring him? Did he even want to talk to him? _Does he ever want to talk to me again?_

The chime signalling the start of the voicemail made Luke jump out of his thoughts. Words jumbled up in his head and got stuck around his tongue as he struggled to spit something out. “U-Uh…” Damn, he should have written something down. “Um, hi. It’s me. Ah, Luke, that is….” This was not how this scenario had played out in his head. _Just spit it out!_ “Uh, I uh, just wanted to ask you if…. Well, I’d really like it if we could talk? About what happened. If you’d be okay with that. And I understand if you don’t want to, but I-”

Another beeping sound cut him off. Luke blinked. Had the recording stopped? He didn’t think his message had been that long! 

He took his phone away from his ear and watched the screen light up with a notification. Incoming call from…. Asch?

His thumb swiped over the Accept slide.

“Hello…?” 

Hesitation was clear in his voice, and it made Luke wince. He was actually grateful that Asch seemed just as hesitant as he responded with a simple, “Hey.”

“Hey. I um, I was just leaving you a message….”

“Yeah, I saw. I just got home, I hadn’t turned my ringer back on.”

Luke blinked. “Oh, that’s right, you have class late today.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Um, sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t. Was there something you wanted?”

There was that bluntness again. And again, Luke didn’t sense any malice behind it. It still made him nervous, though, and he gulped. 

“Y-Yeah, I…. I just wanted to know if….” It had been easier to wrestle words out of his mouth when he’d been talking to Asch’s voicemail, and not Asch himself. “If we could, maybe, if you wanted to-”

“Luke, listen, I have a lot of work to do-”

“Can we meet up tomorrow?” The question tumbled out in a rush, and even though he was alone in his bedroom, Luke’s face still flushed. Asch’s answering silence didn’t make him feel any better. “I-If you can! And- And only if you even want to! I just…. I wanna talk about what happened. I feel really bad and…. I want to figure things out between us.” More silence. Luke bit his lip. “Are…. Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I'm here.” He heard Asch sigh through the phone. “Sorry, I’m just….surprised. I didn’t think I’d hear from you again.”

“I didn’t think you’d answer me.”

The line went quiet once more. Then, “I don’t have any classes tomorrow afternoon. Is the coffee shop okay?”

Luke sat up from his slouching position against his pillows. “Ah, yeah! Yeah, that’s perfect!”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”

“See you then. Uh, thanks, Asch.” 

“Yeah. Bye, Luke.”

The line went dead before he could return the sentiment, but as far as Luke was concerned, the conversation was a win. He’d gotten what he’d wanted: a meeting with Asch and a chance to talk things out. A chance to make things okay again. And considering he’d been expecting to be ignored, he’d happily take Asch’s clipped responses and call that a victory. 

Luke tossed his phone onto his bed and flopped back against his pillows, staring up at his ceiling. He took a deep breath and slowly let it back out. That was one step down; who-knew-how-many more to go.

_One step at a time._

~:~

It wasn’t until Luke was pushing open the door to the café the next afternoon that he realized he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say. He’d rehearsed possibilities in his head all through his morning classes, but none of it sounded right to him. He’d even gotten desperate enough to ask Guy about it. 

“Just tell him the truth. He’s a person, Luke, not an alien from a foreign planet. I’m sure that’s what he’s expecting, so give it to him.”

Guy’s advice was sound enough to ease Luke’s nerves as he drove to the coffee shop, because of course it was that simple and what had he even been freaking out about? But when he saw Asch, already sitting at a booth by the door - his chin in his hand and his elbow propped up on the table as he stared out the window, the afternoon sunlight catching the red of his hair and making it look a whole shade brighter against the sleek blackness of his jacket - his nerves wound up all over again. 

_It’s just Asch. You’ve talked to Asch tons of times. Stop freaking out._

He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over, realizing he’d been standing awkwardly in the doorway and a group of people had gathered behind him, waiting for him to move. With an apology that was too much of a shriek for his liking, he stepped out of the way and let them pass through. His gaze went back to the booth, only to find Asch’s piercing emerald stare trained on him. 

Luke gulped. His preparation time was officially over. 

“Hi,” he said quietly as he slid into the other side of the booth. Asch’s eyes followed him the whole way over.

“Hi.”

“Um, thanks again, for meeting with me.”

“Yeah, well, I’m glad you asked me to. I owe you an apology.”

Luke blinked. “What?”

“That’s what you’re about to do, right? Apologize to me? So fine, I’ll let you, but you have to let me too.”

“Asch, wait, you don’t have to apologize-”

Asch held his hand up, and the protest died in Luke’s mouth. “Yes, I do. I overstepped a boundary that I hadn’t bothered to learn about, and that’s my fault. And I shouldn’t have just left the way I did, either. I wasn’t being very considerate of you, even if….” He sat back in his seat, looking about as uncomfortable as he had that night. “Even if this whole thing was one-sided. That was wrong of me, so… I’m sorry.”

Luke managed to put on a small smile. “I don’t hold any of that against you, okay? And I don’t blame you for acting that way. I didn’t handle things very well either. So, I’m sorry, too.”

“You don’t have to apologize for not returning my feelings. You’re only human.” Asch turned back to the window. A furrow had formed between his brows, giving him a defeated look. It made Luke’s chest feel funny and tight all at once. 

“I’m really sorry, Asch…. If I’d realized sooner, I never would’ve dragged you into this mess.” He bit nervously at his lip. “It’s not you, it’s…. It’s me.” As soon as that statement left his mouth, Luke groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Shit, I can’t believe I just said that, that’s so cliché, I’m so sorry-”

“If it’s true, then it’s true. I can accept that.” He peeked up from between his fingers to find Asch’s gaze on him once more. “Thank you, for being honest with me.”

“No, Asch,” Luke insisted, shaking his head. “When I say it’s me, I mean it’s _literally me._ ” He needed to make sure Asch knew that none of this was his fault, that he could very well be the greatest person on the planet but it didn’t matter because Luke wasn’t, that he had nothing to do with how messed up Luke was. _He couldn’t let Asch feel the way he knew he made Guy feel._

“Luke, you don’t have to explain it-”

“No, really. It’s _really_ not you.” 

_The truth. Tell him the truth._

“It’s not you because…. Because it’s not _anyone_. And it won’t ever _be anyone_ , not with me.”

Asch still wasn’t following, the furrow in his brow now showing his confusion. Luke sat back. He twisted his fingers so tightly into the fabric of his hoodie that his knuckles ached. 

“I don’t…. I don’t believe in soulmates.” 

Asch’s face went blank. That same bone-chilling blank slate he’d given Luke that night, and it left Luke feeling just as sick as it had then. Asch looked like he had just….shut off. 

“You don’t believe in soulmates.” His voice was as hollow as the rest of him. Not angry, not upset, just….empty, leaving behind the most uncomfortable silence Luke had ever found himself in. It made his gut twist and froze his tongue in his mouth. He shook his head slowly, afraid one wrong move would set Asch off like a detonated bomb. 

But Asch’s expression didn’t change. Not at Luke’s timid response, and not as he grabbed his bag from the corner of the seat and began to shuffle his way out of the booth. 

“Thanks for telling me.” Now the words were bitterly sarcastic, making Luke flinch back and giving Asch those precious few seconds he needed to stand up. Luke barely had time to blink in surprise before the other redhead was walking away, out of Luke’s sight and surely on his way out of the café.

Luke scrambled to get out of his seat, all of his limbs fighting to move at once. His feet almost tripped over each other as he stumbled to a stand, both of them desperate to just _move_ , the need traveling all the way up his spine, and Luke finally remembered how to run. 

“Asch!” Luke threw open the door of the coffee shop, narrowly managing to avoid crashing into someone walking in at that same moment. He didn’t pause to apologize - Asch was getting farther and farther away, and if Luke lost him in the crowd of people on the sidewalk then who knew if he’d ever see him again.

He stretched his hand out in front of him, his fingertips brushing the smooth leather of Asch’s jacket. “Asch, wait!” 

Asch whirled around. Luke came skidding to a stop, almost falling back on his ass to prevent knocking into the other. Anything Luke had been about to say fizzled and died in his mouth as he took in the expression that now painted Asch’s face: another one he realized he’d never seen before. 

He was _angry._ Actually angry, with his lips pressed into a thin line and his cheeks flushed pink and his emerald eyes flashing as they narrowed into an intense glare. It stunned Luke still, turned his feet to stone as he stood there helplessly staring back, like a cornered animal with no place left to turn. 

“What?” Asch practically barked. The rough sound of his voice sent goosebumps down Luke’s arms. “You want a congratulation or something? Fine, congratulations, you won whatever stupid game it is you wanted to play. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“I-It wasn’t…. It’s not like that!”

“Isn’t it? Because from where I’m standing, that’s exactly what this is.” 

“It’s not!” Luke insisted, resisting the urge to grab Asch by the shoulders and shake him until he believed him. “Please, Asch, please understand-!”

“Understand _what_? Why you decided to drag me along this whole time like a damn puppy until you felt like cutting me loose? Sorry, but I couldn’t really care less about that, so you can save whatever excuse you’ve cooked up.” 

“Just- Just _please_ let me explain! Don’t-!” 

“You’ve made everything perfectly clear, Luke. Why are you even bothering with this?”

“Because!” Luke shouted, his words backed by the growing desperation in his chest, fueled by the adrenaline coursing through his veins. “Because liking me- _Being with me_ is pointless, Asch! There’s no future with me! There’s no lifelong happiness or any of that _crap_ everyone spews about finding a soulmate! When I say it’s me I mean _it’s me_! I’m not worth any of the effort you’ll have to put in! It’s best if- If I’m just _alone_ , okay?!” He had to pause for breath, and found himself panting, his heart racing in his chest. His face felt hot. His skin felt clammy. His head hurt. 

Asch stared at him silently, with emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion. He still looked like the rousing calm before a storm, but that was better than the eruption of his biting retorts. 

Luke stared back, swallowed thickly, and tried to pull words from the mess in his head. 

“Maybe soulmates exist. But soulmates don’t exist _for me_. They….can’t.” The fight had rushed out of him, washed from his blood, gone without the force of Asch’s accusations to stir it up. Luke stuffed his hands in the pocket of his hoodie and ducked his head. “I really don’t expect you to understand. You haven’t seen what I have. Soulmates are just…. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

He didn’t lift his head to see Asch’s reaction to that. What was the point? Asch was going to walk away now and Luke would probably never see him again. He would go off and find someone normal, someone who wasn’t a walking disaster, someone who could be his soulmate. Luke couldn’t be that person. And it would be best for both of them if they left it at that. 

_Bad hurt._

Luke felt the telltale sting of tears behind his eyes, and began blinking rapidly to try and keep them at bay. He wasn’t sure when exactly black-booted feet stepped into his sight, just that one blink they weren’t there and the next blink they were. 

He lifted his head to find Asch standing in front of him. He couldn’t understand the expression on the other’s face: still not angry or upset, but also not the blank look that was the calm before the storm of his anger. It was more like the aftermath of the storm. The ruin and destruction left in its wake beneath a gray sky, quiet and absolute and _just there_. 

Asch shrugged his jacket off of one shoulder. He pulled his arm out and held it right-side-up in front of himself. His other hand went down and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt where it tucked around his wrist, dragging the fabric upward. 

Luke didn't have it in him to protest, to wonder what Asch was doing, to question why he hadn’t just walked away and left Luke to wallow alone there on the sidewalk. It was all he could do to just watch helplessly as the black fabric left pale skin in its wake, sliding all the way up to the crease of Asch’s elbow where the feathered end of the arrow stopped. 

He got the same feeling looking at it that he did when he looked at Guy’s - that feeling of awe from the beauty, of butterflies taking flight in his chest and beating their wings off his ribcage, of knowing its appeal was its danger and falling infatuated with it all the same. It really was a beautiful tattoo. The black ink held the hint of shimmer that was customary of all soulmate tattoos and the shape of the arrow melded perfectly into Asch’s skin like he’d been born with it. It was simple, definitely a stretch from the kinds of tattoos he’d seen before, yet it made the wings of the butterflies beat that much faster, like they were trying to win an impossible race against the arrow shooting down Asch’s arm. 

When Luke looked back up, he found Asch already staring back at him, a steeled look in his emerald eyes. The anger was nowhere to be found. 

“You can,” Asch said, his voice softer now, whispering a secret that only Luke was meant to hear. “You just don’t want to try.” 

Luke opened his mouth. Maybe to protest, maybe to agree. But the words weren’t there. Not stuck; nonexistent. There was nothing left for Luke to say - nothing left to insist or plead or desperately attempt to convey. He no longer had to, not when Asch had it all figured out, had summed everything up to that one simple statement that Luke realized with an ugly twist to his heart was true. 

Asch pulled his sleeve back down. “I tried,” he continued as he lowered his arm to fit back into the sleeve of his jacket. “I tried and I got it wrong. Sometimes it’s like that. But sometimes it’s not.” He reached up to grab at the threaded strap of his bag, tightly enough to make his knuckles turn white. “I don't know what you've seen, and you don’t have to tell me. It's none of my business. But I've seen it. I’ve seen it work. And I know it’s out there.” 

Asch’s gaze casted off to the side and his lips twisted into a thoughtful frown. Luke watched him with a hammer slamming behind his every heartbeat. “I’m not saying I was expecting it to be you. But I was willing to try. If you had really wanted to play the chase game, I would’ve played too.”

“Asch-”

His name turned to dust in Luke’s mouth when Asch’s eyes came back to his face, pinning him beneath the emerald weight of his stare. Asch sighed - slowly, heavily, definitively. 

“But I’m not willing to chase someone who doesn’t want to be caught.” 

Asch turned away. He started walking again, down the sidewalk that had emptied of people at some point during their stalemate. The sound of his boots echoed off the concrete like the condemning tolls of a bell beneath the sounds of the city traffic. 

Luke watched him - watched the way his bag bounced against his back and the way his arm swung at his side in time with his steps and the way his long hair swished and curled around his waist as he moved - for as long as he could. Asch walked on a straight-set path for a few blocks, becoming a smaller and smaller red speck on Luke’s horizon. Eventually, he turned a corner. 

And he was gone. 

Luke stood there, still watching, until people began to flood his vision. The sidewalk was filling back up and he was in the way. He should probably go. It would be a bit of a walk back to his car, parked in a lot a block in the opposite direction. He needed to go. 

He pulled his phone from his hoodie pocket. 

_Text Message: Guy_

_It didn’t go very well_

He stared at the message until the text became blurry. Luke sighed in frustration and deleted it, roughly shoving his phone back into his pocket as he turned around and started walking, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve.

_He was such a loser._

~:~

It had been a rough week for Luke. 

He already was spending most of his nights up late studying, but recently, he’d been barely getting the few hours he normally got. Time dragged no matter what he was doing: whether he was in class or driving home or even spending time with Guy. Everything felt like it lasted hours longer than it should have. Even his appetite had been nonexistent, and that _never_ happened. 

Luke really wasn’t surprised that it was his eating habits that finally tipped Guy off. 

They were sitting on the couch, celebrating the end of another week. Except it didn’t feel much like a celebration. The pizza had barely been touched, the bottles of soda no better, and even though an episode of Baticul’s Baking Championship was on TV, neither of them were banting about it like they normally did. Luke felt too miserable to try. It was already enough effort attempting to finish his current - and still first - slice of pizza. 

When the next commercial break came, Guy lowered the volume on the TV and set his own half-eaten pizza slice back into the box. “You know I don’t like pushing you when you get like this. And I’m not trying to. But you’re really scaring me, Luke.”

Luke’s bite of pizza tasted like dust in his mouth. Of course Guy was worried about him. Guy did nothing but worry about him. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Luke.” Guy turned to face him. “Just…. Tell me something? Even I can’t read your mind.”

“Trust me, you wouldn’t want to.” He carelessly tossed his pizza back into the box, tired of pretending he was going to finish it. He tucked himself into the corner of the couch instead, and stared at Guy through the red streaks of his bangs. “It’s just been a bad week.”

“So bad that you haven’t been eating?”

“I guess I just haven’t been hungry.”

“Or sleeping?”

“I’ve been studying.”

“Or doing anything that you remotely enjoy?”

Luke bit his lip. He hadn’t actually noticed that himself, though now that Guy mentioned it, it had been a while since he’d played one of the games on his phone or read anything that wasn’t a textbook. “I haven’t felt like it…?”

The way the response left his mouth didn’t even convince him, let alone his best friend. Guy sighed and set his hand down on Luke’s knee.

“So, bad.”

“Yeah. Bad.” 

Silence stretched between them, with Luke unwilling to offer anything unprompted and Guy - Lorelei bless him - being mindful of the ice he was skating on. It was appreciated, but in the same breath, only made Luke feel worse. Guy never did anything but try to help him, and Luke always had to make that so difficult.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You know I won’t force you to talk about anything if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t really know what I want,” Luke admitted quietly. “To stop feeling like this, I guess.”

“Feeling sad?”

_Feeling like a failure._

“Maybe.”

Guy gave his knee a comforting squeeze. “Can I stop acting like I don’t know why you’ve been so upset?”

“You didn’t have to act in the first place.” 

“Are you avoiding my question?”

“A little.” 

“Can I ask about it?”

Luke took a slow, deep breath. He supposed he really couldn’t go forever without telling Guy what had happened. He didn’t think he’d ever kept something from his best friend for longer than a week, and definitely nothing serious - at least nothing so serious that it made him stop eating and sleeping and feeling like himself. Maybe part of the reason he felt so bad was guilt from not telling Guy the truth. 

“Yeah, you can.”

“This is about Asch again, isn't it?” 

Luke winced at his best friend’s bluntness. It reminded him of the redhead himself, not that thoughts of Asch were very far from Luke’s mind these days. He’d lost track of how many times he'd mentally replayed their confrontation, and had effectively come up with a list of what had to be at least a hundred things he could have done differently, with a new ending for each one of them. He nodded as an answer to the question, though he knew Guy really hadn’t needed his confirmation. 

“You never did tell me what happened between you two.” Guy squeezed his knee again. “Not what you were hoping for?”

“No,” Luke whispered, his throat feeling dry. “Definitely not.” 

“He didn’t take it very well?”

“I don’t think I told him very well, to be fair. I didn’t really…. I had no idea what to say, or how to even say it, so I just sort of….went for it?” He shrugged helplessly. “I don’t really blame him for getting mad about it, but…. It still doesn’t feel good, you know?” 

Luke’s voice cracked on the last word, and he realized shamefully that his eyes were stinging and his vision was blurring. Damn it, he was crying about this _again,_ after he’d _told himself he wouldn’t_ \- 

He felt Guy’s arm slip between him and the back of the couch, pulling him from his hiding corner, and Luke decided he really didn’t care anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into the warmth of his best friend’s chest. Guy’s hands were soothing on his back and in his hair, and he felt a few tears leak onto the fabric of Guy’s shirt. 

“I’m sorry, Luke…. I know you really clicked with him. Sometimes things just don’t work out.” 

Luke sniffed and burrowed himself further into Guy’s side, squishing his cheek against his best friend’s shoulder. “You know what’s stupid?” he blubbered, his voice muffled slightly by Guy’s shirt collar. He must have sounded pretty miserable if Guy didn’t even bother to chastise him for his word choice like he normally would. “I’m all messed up about this and I let it get this bad and I wasn’t even the one who got rejected. Asch deserves to feel way worse than me. What do I even have to be so sad about?” 

He wondered if Asch did feel as messed up about this as he did. Or if he felt worse. Or if he’d figured out now that Luke messed up everything and wasn’t worth getting upset over. Luke wasn’t sure which option he liked best; for some reason, the one where Asch was fine and moved on and continuing about his life wasn’t it. 

The room was quiet - quiet enough for Luke to clearly hear the the television even with its volume so low. He thought he vaguely recognized the name of the contestant currently being eliminated. He didn’t remember if he’d liked them or not.

“Luke,” Guy said, slowly. “What was it you ended up telling Asch?”

Luke blinked and lifted his head from Guy’s shoulder. “What do you mean? I just….told him the truth. What else was I supposed to tell him?”

“What truth?”

He furrowed his brow. Guy already knew what truth he was referring to. Why would he bother asking? 

Whatever Guy had been looking for he must have found somewhere in Luke’s expression, because he sighed heavily and lifted a hand to rub across his face. “Luke, you _idiot_.” 

“What?” Luke sat back, defensive. 

“You _actually_ told him _that_?”

“The truth? Yeah, I actually did.” Luke crossed his arms petulantly across his chest. “What the hell, Guy? You even _told me_ to tell him. What’re you on about?”

“Holy shit, Luke, I meant the truth that you _liked him,_ not the truth about the whole soulmate thing!” 

Luke flinched back like he’d been burned. “Wh-What? What are you talking about? I don’t like him! Not that way!”

“Dear Lorelei, Luke,” Guy groaned, exasperated, his hand falling heavily back into his lap. “You’re still on that?”

“ _You’re_ still on it, not me.”

“Because I’m right.” 

“ _No,_ you’re _not._ ”

“Yes, I am.” Guy leaned forward, staring at him with a seriousness so intense that Luke didn’t have a choice but to stare back. “You couldn’t see the way your whole face lit up when you talked about him, or how you always smiled the entire time he texted you, or how you always wanted to leave the house early on days you knew you’d see him at the café. But I could. I _did._ You’re crazy about him, Luke.” 

Luke swallowed; it was surprisingly difficult to spit out his counter in the wake of Guy’s words. “That doesn’t mean anything. I do all those things with you, too.” 

“That’s the whole point, Luke. Can’t you see that?” Guy reached forward and grabbed his hands. “If you say that he makes you feel the way you do when you’re with me, then what does that tell you about how you feel about him?” 

Luke’s mouth opened, but his mind wasn’t ready and waiting with words. It was too busy wrapping itself around Guy’s question, squeezing it and squeezing it until there was nothing left but some small bit of understanding that dropped to Luke’s stomach. 

He thought about how talking to Asch had felt so natural from the start. He thought about how every week at the café they argued over who would be paying that time. He thought about how after only hearing it twice he’d already had Asch’s coffee order memorized - a medium coffee, black, with an extra shot of espresso and one pump of caramel flavoring if he was having a rough day.

He thought about the way Asch’s hair always fell so perfectly down his shoulders, how it looked like roses bloomed beneath his cheeks whenever they were flushed with caffeine-warmth, how there was always some kind of sparkle glowing in his emerald eyes that was so entrancing and beautiful that it reminded Luke of looking up at a cloudless night sky. He thought about the way the corners of Asch’s mouth quirked when he smiled, and the warm feeling that filled him from head to toe and made him feel high enough to fly whenever it was directed at him. 

“Is that…. Is that what it feels like?”

Guy squeezed his hands.

“You like him, Luke. That way.”

_I like Asch._

He yanked his hands back. 

“I can’t.” 

Guy rolled his eyes with a groan and flopped against the arm of the couch. “Luke-”

“No, Guy, you don’t get it. I _can’t_. I can’t like him.”

“Why not, Luke? Why can’t you?” Luke shot his best friend a glare, as if doing so could ward off the conversation they both knew was about to happen. The conversation they’d been putting off for years. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

Apparently, Guy was.

“They don’t all end bad, you know?” he said gently. The atmosphere of their living room had done a complete turnabout; this was a subject they hardly ever brought up. “It…. It sucks, when they don’t, but they aren’t all like that.”

“Really? Cause I can’t name one time that I’ve seen it work.” 

“I know, but it does, I swear. And sometimes….” Luke watched as Guy lifted a hand to his collarbone, idly running along it. The sight made his stomach curl sickly. “Sometimes they end and you regret it. But sometimes they end and you don’t. It’s different for everyone.” 

Luke hugged himself and looked away. It couldn’t be different. It had never been different. Not that he’d ever seen. 

_I’ve seen it work. And I know it’s out there._

Asch had seen it, too _._

He jumped as he felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder. Guy rubbed soothing circles with his thumb just below his shoulder blade. 

“Luke,” he said softly, “what happened to me isn’t going to happen to you.” 

Luke squeezed his eyes shut as he felt them start to sting again. “You don’t know that.”

“Maybe I don’t. But you know what I do know?” Now Guy wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. Luke could feel his chin bobbing up and down as he spoke. “Even if it does end badly, the way there is still pretty nice.” 

A lump rose up in Luke’s throat. He tried to swallow it down, because damn it he was so sick of _crying over this shit,_ but it would not be ignored. It rose higher and higher until it was all he could do but spit out a sob with his words. 

“But I don’t want to do that to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean!” Luke shoved Guy away from him and stood from the couch. His blurred vision suddenly cleared, and something wet hit his cheeks. “I don’t want to do that to you! I don’t want to go running off with someone while you’re here all alone or make you feel bad because I have something that you don’t anymore! I don’t want to remind you of something that made you so sad and if that happens to me?” He smacked his hand against his chest. “If that happens to me we both know I’m going to be a bigger wreck than you were and I don’t want to have to put you through that and I….I--!” 

He was still speaking - screaming, practically - but his mouth went from forming sensible words to blubbered masses of letters that didn’t even make sense to himself. Yet he still rambled on, because the floodgates had opened and now he needed Guy to know. _He needed Guy to understand._

And apparently, he really needed another hug, because the instant Guy grabbed him, Luke went boneless and collapsed against him and _cried._ He was vaguely aware of the tremble in Guy’s shoulders as he buried his face in his shirt. 

“You’re an idiot,” Guy whispered shakily. “You’re such an idiot, Luke. How could you think any of that?”

Luke sniffed loudly. “I-I just don’t want you to hurt like that again, and I do-on’t want you to worry about me anymore….! You always take care of me, I just want to take care of you too!”

“Hey, hey.” Guy squeezed him tightly. “You’re my best friend, and I love you more than anything. I’m always going to worry about you, okay? Always.” He pressed his face into Luke’s hair. “And you do take care of me. You always have, even before what happened. You take care of me by being with me. So don’t worry over something stupid like that.” 

Luke clung desperately to his best friend, as if squeezing Guy with every ounce of strength he was capable of would be enough for all his _thank you’s_ and _I love you’s_ to seep right into him. Guy squeezed him back reassuringly.

They stood there holding each other in the middle of their living room for what felt like hours. At some point after Luke’s breathing had calmed and his eyes had dried, Guy managed to coax him back over to the couch, where the redhead promptly curled up into a ball as Guy went and got some blankets. When they had settled into their blanket nest - Guy stretched out on his back and Luke tucked into the space between his side and the back of the couch, his head resting on Guy’s shoulder and Guy’s hand in his hair - Luke puffed out a defeated sigh. 

“I really messed this one up, huh…?”

“You’re human, Luke. It’s okay.”

“Still. I don’t think I can fix this. I don’t know what to do anymore.” 

“You wanna know what I think?” Luke peeked up at the blond through his bangs, a silent answer to his question. “I think you should do whatever it is _you_ want to do. Not what you think anyone else might want.” 

Luke sighed and pressed his face back into the fabric of Guy’s shirt. He didn’t know _what_ he wanted. All he knew was that he was really, really tired: tired of thinking, tired of trying to figure things out, tired of walking on eggshells when it came to himself. He was tired of _wondering._ He’d had a plan for his life that he’d had every intention of following. And it had been working just fine, until one person - _one damn person_ \- had burned it up and snuffed out the flames and Luke couldn’t read the pieces he had left. He didn’t know where to go from here. 

_Don’t you think that means something?_

“I think I want to sleep for the rest of my life,” Luke murmured. “My head hurts.”

“Do you want me to get you some-?”

“No.” Luke reached his arm across Guy’s chest and burrowed further into his side. “No, it’s okay, just… Just stay here.” 

He felt Guy’s fingers start to rub tiny circles where the blond’s hand lay trapped between Luke’s back and the cushion of the couch. As small as the movement was, it sent waves of comfort crashing over Luke all the same. He closed his eyes, focusing on the material beneath his cheek and the steady rise and fall of his head that matched the rhythm of Guy’s breathing. 

“Thank you….” Luke said softly. He hoped his best friend understood the true implications behind the sentiment - it was definitely for a whole lot more than just staying and being his pillow. Guy’s other hand began to brush through his hair, and that was the only response he needed. 

“Go to sleep, Luke.” 

As the voices drifting from the TV gradually turned to white noise in his ears, Luke decided he did know one thing. He had Guy. He would always have Guy. And as long as he had Guy, he could do anything. 

Or, at the very least, _something._

~:~

He got his appetite back first. Luke made a point to eat his three square meals a day, even if he wasn’t hungry, even if he didn’t want to. Every morning he and Guy sat down with bowls of cereal or plates of buttered toast. He ate lunch in the cafeteria during his breaks at school. He and Guy cooked dinner together, and Guy didn’t even mind that they ended up eating chicken in some form almost every night - if it was what Luke would eat, then he would eat it too. It bolstered Luke up more than he thought his friend knew. 

When his eating habits got better, Luke found he wasn’t as tired all the time. He started doing his homework earlier in the evening, and what he didn’t finish he saved for the next morning. He went to bed at a more decent hour and was getting more sleep. Paying attention in class and comprehending what he was supposed to be learning felt that little bit easier. Luke figured it was because he was trying again. 

With better eating, more sleep, and improving academics, Luke found he was a lot happier, too. He would laugh and poke fun at Guy and his friends from around campus. He got invited by some students in his Sociology class to join their study session in the library and spent the entire afternoon with a smile on his face. Guy had gone to his weekly study session as well, leaving Luke in the apartment alone - only to come back and find that the redhead had made dinner and left a plate for him in the fridge. 

Luke gave himself time to think, too. In a quiet corner of the library between classes, when the streets were empty as he drove home, on nights where Guy fell asleep curled against him on the couch, Luke thought - for once, about himself. 

By the end of it, Luke wasn’t quite sure he'd found the self-realization he'd been expecting. But he felt better about everything that had happened, and thinking about it no longer made him feel so worthlessly small. He knew that counted for something. 

When Luke finally felt like he had a grasp on his life - like he finally had things right - he went looking for Asch. 

He’d spent an entire evening staring at Asch’s name in the contact list of his phone before he’d finally made his decision: he wasn’t going to hide behind an edited-too-many-times text message or another awkward voicemail, both of which Asch might ignore anyway. Luke wanted to do this in person, and this time, do it right. 

The only problem with his plan was that he had no idea where to find Asch. He had to be avoiding the café; Luke had noticed he was no longer there on the mornings he usually was. Even on the occasion when he and Guy would go later in the afternoon, there was no sign of the other redhead. Sure, he could pick a day to stake-out and wait around to see if Asch ever came in, but that was hardly the only coffee shop in Baticul - hell, it wasn’t even the only coffee shop on the _block._ It seemed like trying that would end up a lost cause. 

There was only one other place that Luke knew Asch would surely be at some point. That knowledge was what led Luke to his current spot: standing by the front steps to one of the buildings on the University of Kimlasca campus. 

UOK was larger and had more buildings than Baticul University did. Luke had floundered in front of a campus map for a solid six minutes, wondering how in Lorelei’s name he was actually so stupid to think he could find the one spot Asch would be on this particular day. But Asch had told him plenty about the demanding classes of his political science major, specifically the annoyance of his history of economics class that brought him into the coffee shop in the first place. Luke found a diamond on the map labeled _College of Business_ and started praying. 

He waited around for an admittedly embarrassing amount of time. The first hour was justifiable: most college lectures lasted about seventy-five minutes long anyway. An hour and a half was okay too, because it was a tall building and maybe getting through it took a while. But when the two hour mark rolled around, even Luke was willing to call it desperation. He truly had no idea if Asch was somewhere inside, if Asch was even on campus at all. Maybe he’d missed him completely; Luke had no idea what his car looked like, after all. 

When he recognized the jacket of a girl who had walked in around the time he’d first arrived now walking out, Luke knew it was time to admit defeat. This plan had been stupid from the start. He’d just have to settle for trying to call and hope Asch answered him again. Sighing, Luke stood from the step he’d been sitting on and hopped back down to the asphalt. 

From behind him, he heard the large doors creak open on their ancient hinges. Without thinking, he looked back over his shoulder, having been listening for that sound for the last two hours. Luke froze, his foot half-lifted from the ground to take his first step. 

Asch was walking out, his usual drawstring bag and signature leather jacket tossed over his shoulders, his attention currently on his phone. His hair caught the light as he passed under the overhang above the doors and became a blinding sparkle to Luke’s eye. _Lorelei, how had he seriously been denying this the entire time?_

Then Asch was looking up, and Luke’s breath caught in his throat. Not only because _damn were Asch’s eyes actually gorgeous_ but because _oh shit, there was no going back now._

“What the hell are you doing here?” Before Luke could open his mouth to spit out some kind of answer, Asch was holding up a hand. “No, you know what? I don’t care. Just leave.” He made his way down the last few steps, resolutely keeping his gaze anywhere but on Luke. 

“Asch.” Luke reached out, his fingers catching the other around his elbow. “Wait-!”

Asch yanked his arm away roughly enough to make Luke stumble forward. “I told you, I’m not doing this anymore,” he snapped. “I haven’t changed my mind.” 

“I know,” Luke said quickly. “I know, but I just wanted to-!”

“What _I_ want is for you to leave me alone.” Asch hiked his bag further up on his shoulder. “Quit embarrassing yourself and get out of here.” He started walking into the parking lot, the tips of his red hair fluttering out behind him.

Luke took a deep breath and clenched his fists in determination. He knew he couldn’t just keep going after Asch forever; if this was the last chance he got to make something out of this mess, then Lorelei help him, he was going to make it count. 

“I get it, okay?” he called out. “I know you haven’t changed your mind and I know you’re tired of me dragging you into this. But I just want to explain. I want to make this right.” Asch kept walking, not showing any signs of stopping as Luke spoke. Luke swallowed hard and forced the rest of the words out of his mouth, afraid if he hesitated too long he wouldn’t be brave enough to start back up. 

“I don’t think I can move on from you unless I do.” 

Asch halted where he was, halfway to the first row of cars in the lot. He turned just enough to be able to look back at Luke over his shoulder. 

“This isn’t any funnier than it was last time.” 

“I’m not trying to be funny,” Luke insisted, crossing the asphalt. He got as close to Asch as he dared, freezing when he saw Asch tense up. Quickly, he raised his hands up in front of him; the last thing he wanted to do was make Asch run off again. 

“Just give me a minute,” he continued, not letting Asch’s suspicious glare deter him. “Just a minute. That’s all I’m asking for, and if you still think I’m full of shit after then I’ll leave and you won’t ever see me again, I promise.” 

Asch didn’t let up his glare, but Luke stared back at him with a look of his own, one filled with determination. 

_Please._

After enough anxious heartbeats had passed to make his stomach twist, Luke saw one of Asch’s eyebrows tick. The other redhead rolled his eyes skyward, and Luke heard him mutter a curse under his breath. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He shrugged his bag off his shoulder, gripping it by the strings. “You have until I get to my car. And you better talk fast, because I can’t promise you it’ll be a whole minute.” 

Luke’s mouth opened, but Asch turned sharply on his heel and started walking again without so much as a _thank you_. And he was walking _faster_ than he had been earlier - clearly not about to make this any easier - leaving Luke to scramble after him. 

But Luke set his jaw and followed, matching Asch step for step, always staying just a pace behind him. 

“I meant what I said before,” he called ahead of him. There was a chance that Asch wasn’t actually listening or couldn’t hear his words, but he shoved those thoughts down and plowed onward. “I didn’t mean to lead you on or do anything you think I might have been doing before. I swear. I know it all sounds really convenient, but it’s true. I didn’t know you… felt that way. About me. Because, no one ever has. And I thought-” 

Luke cut himself off with a yelp of surprise as Asch suddenly turned to walk around one of the parked cars instead of continuing on between them. He was sure the other did it on purpose, but it also served to remind him that he had no idea where Asch’s car might be, or how much more time he had to spit everything out. 

“And I thought it was just me, that no one was interested because maybe they could tell how messed up I was. I don’t know. But now…. Now I think it _was me._ That I was just so scared that I never let myself see any of it because it made telling myself I didn’t believe it easier. And if I didn’t believe it, then I wouldn’t get hurt and I wouldn’t hurt anyone else. And for a long time that worked.” 

Asch was reaching into his bag now, fishing around and pulling out a black lanyard. Luke heard the tell-tale jingling of keys on a ring and looked up. Somehow he knew that the black car sitting in the row they were headed towards was their destination. A click of a button and the flashing of the car’s tail lights confirmed his suspicions. He’d just about run out of time. 

“Until I met you,” he said quickly as they approached the driver’s side door. “I met you and all of a sudden none of my plans worked anymore and I didn’t know what to do and I got scared. And I kept trying to hide because that’s what I’ve always done but even _that_ didn’t work. But… But that’s okay, because you made me not want to hide anymore.” 

They walked up to the car. Asch reached out, hooked his fingers around the door handle, and paused. He looked over at Luke, who had stopped back by the wheel. Luke didn’t know how to read the expression on his face. It made him nervous, and he wrung his hands together as he finished his spiel in a quiet voice. 

“You said you didn’t expect me to be your soulmate. I’m not saying I expect it either. I’m saying you’re the first person whose made me want to find out. And that…. That has to mean something.” 

In the silence that followed his words, Luke held his hands out to his sides. _There it is. That’s it._ And even if Asch didn’t believe a single word he’d said and got into his car and drove away and Luke never saw him again, he was proud for finally being honest - to Asch and to himself. Whatever judgement Asch dished out, Luke could handle knowing that. 

He could handle it, but his heart still sank down to his shoes when Asch opened the car door. With another hard swallow, Luke turned to head back the way they’d come. 

“Get in.” 

Luke’s head whipped around. “What?”

“Get in, before I change my mind.” Asch climbed up into the driver’s seat and slammed the door behind him. Luke only hesitated for a moment before he was rushing to the other side.

Asch’s car smelled like pine, like summer nights spent outside by a bonfire, like running barefoot through fields of tall grass chasing after fireflies. It smelled like everything living in a city wasn’t, and it wrapped around Luke like a security blanket, calming his racing heart. He bit at his lip as he watched Asch drum his fingers against the curve of his steering wheel. Of all the scenarios Luke had run through in his head while he waited for this moment to arrive, this hadn’t quite been one of them. He couldn’t tell if this unexpected turn was a good thing or a bad thing; Asch’s silence wasn’t helping him decide. 

Finally, he spoke. “Was it really that bad?” 

Luke blinked slowly. “What do you mean?”

“Whatever you saw that started all this with you. Was it really that bad?”

Luke thought about the night he got the phone call from his best friend, about sitting in the backseat of his car with a trembling Guy in his arms, about the loud crying and sputtering that turned into terrifying silence and stillness as days went by.

“Yeah,” he answered softly. “It was pretty bad.” Asch nodded. Luke glanced over at him. “Was yours?”

Asch tilted his arm to the side, staring down at it like he could make out the black ink through the fabric of his sleeve. “It was hard,” was his response, “but it turned out okay.” Luke nodded; he was glad that Asch hadn’t been in a situation like Guy had. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Asch let out a heavy sigh then, dropping his forehead into the palm of his hand. “I want to believe you’re full of shit,” he grumbled. “I really, really do. But I don’t, and I don’t know why.” 

“Maybe because I’m telling the truth,” Luke offered, not unkindly. Asch shook his head and blew out another breath before he sat himself back against his seat, sliding his hand up through his hair. 

“Fine then, I’ll bite.” He looked over with a gaze so serious it made Luke gulp. “Everything you said about being scared and not noticing anything aside: how do you feel about me? You still haven’t mentioned that yet.” 

Luke felt his face grow warm. “I...guess I like you…?”

“You guess.”

“I don't know, okay? I never had to call it anything before.” He shrugged awkwardly. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that day in the café, when you gave me your number. So, yeah, I think it’s safe to say I like you.” 

Asch glanced away again, but Luke still caught the pale pink flush that spread across his cheeks at his admission. 

“Do you…. Do you still….?”

More silence. Asch stared out the window and Luke fidgeted helplessly in the passenger’s seat, anxious for an answer. _If Asch was going to say no, could he just say it already?_

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I guess I do.” 

Luke’s eyes went wide. “What?” 

“I thought I didn't, honestly. But now that you're here….” Asch gave an awkward shrug of his own. “Like you said, that has to mean something.” His gaze flicked back over, meeting Luke’s, who offered him a shy smile.

“So… where does that leave us?” 

“Wherever we want it to.” 

Luke nodded slowly, knowing the new silence was on him. He looked at Asch - really looked at him - and took in the way his shoulders were tense, his fingers were curled tightly where his hands sat in his lap, his cheek was dimpled where he must have been biting at the inside of it. Asch might be better at hiding it, but Luke could tell he was just as nervous and unsure about this. Asch’s experience might not have been as bad as Luke’s, but it had still happened to him. It had still affected him. And maybe that was something Luke hadn’t known he’d been waiting for: someone who wanted a chance to start over, just like he did. 

“I want to,” he said, softly but surely, “if you want to.” 

A smile tugged at the corner of Asch’s mouth. It was small, but it was there, and it made Luke’s heart soar.

“You’ve never been on a proper date before then, have you?” Luke shook his head. “That means I have to take you on the most cliché first date in the book. Dinner and a movie? This weekend?” 

A bright smile split across Luke’s face, so wide he could feel an ache in the apples of his cheeks. 

_Good hurt. Hell, this was probably the best hurt he ever could’ve asked for._

“I’d like that.” 

“Great. I’ll text you details later?” 

“Yeah, okay. Sounds good. Um, thank you.” 

Asch scoffed, the sound coming out more amused than irritated. “You’re welcome, idiot.”

Luke giggled as he reached for the door handle, pushing it open and beginning to climb out. “I should go, before someone realizes my car doesn’t have a permit.” 

“Where’d you park? You might’ve slipped by the campus police check.” 

Luke froze with a foot halfway out the door. Where had he parked? He remembered avoiding the front few rows designated for emergency parking, figuring his lack of a permit would be too easily found out if he’d tried that. The rest of the lot had been pretty full, but Luke had managed to snag a spot...well, _somewhere._

He glanced sheepishly back over at Asch, who was watching him with an eyebrow arched expectantly. “Ah, well, I-“

Asch rolled his eyes and motioned for Luke to sit back again. “No use wandering around aimlessly,” he explained, fitting his key into the ignition. The car roared to life beneath them. “Tell me when you see it.” 

“Yeah,” Luke said, nodding. “Thanks.” The other redhead hummed in reply, checking over his shoulder as he began to back out of the parking spot. When they were safely out, he shifted into drive and started slowly driving down the row. Luke peered out the window, keeping a watchful eye out for the familiar sight of his own car. 

“I suppose at this rate,” Asch piped up, “I should expect saving your ass to become a regular thing.” He only sounded partly sarcastic as he spoke; it came out sounding amused enough for Luke to giggle in response. 

“I guess I’m not as good at this chasing game as you are,” he said simply. He grinned over at the other, and while Asch didn’t tear his gaze away from the windshield, the way his mouth turned up into a smile of his own was clear enough. So was the way it made Luke’s heart twist happily in his chest, and the bubbly feeling it sent down to his toes. 

A feeling he didn’t think he’d mind getting used to. 

_I’m screwed,_ Luke thought to himself, his grin staying plastered across his face. _I’m really, really screwed._

**Author's Note:**

> A complete masterpost explaining this AU can be found [here](https://talesoffangirl.tumblr.com/post/157506059210/soulmate-au-masterpost)
> 
> More cute Soulmate AU nonsense [here](https://talesoffangirl.tumblr.com/tagged/soulmate-au)


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